Thursday, April 24, 2014

Sometimes you gotta sit with the pain

Everything that is happening to you is really happening FOR you.

OMG - sometimes when I hear that message, I wanna stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs. You mean that bad thing that just happened, that right there, is a blessing. Come on, really?

When you look back on your life, you can see how the "bad"things that happened like breakups, accidents, health issues, etc. are really blessings. Brokenness can be the beginning of something wonderful. It feels terrifying and lonely in the onset. You feel stuck, spent, peeled open and raw. Like your heart got ripped from your body as it lies next to you on the bathroom floor. And your wondering if you will ever get up as your reach for the last tissue in the Kleenex box and THENNNNNN you know its time to get up, you're out of Kleenex. :)

In hindsight, when the grief has lifted and gratitude has settled in over a period of time, you see the significance it had in your life and the beautiful influence it has had in the present.

Take for instance, a loved one dying. When it first happens, you are suspended in grief, heartbreak, disbelief, and undeniable pain. Your world crashes and screeches to a halt. There is definitely a grieving process one must go through that is healthy and has worked for so many. (See Elizabeth Kubler Ross writings if you are experiencing this now) After some time (and there is no RIGHT amount of time), the pain lifts (for the most part) and gratitude sets in. You bring back the happy memories and relish in them. You feel the gift that loved one gave you and your heart gets filled to the brim with overwhelming love for the time you did get to spend with them. You got to LOVE them and they got to LOVE you.

But what about when the fateful event happens and you are feeling that pain and that shortness of breath and the aching heart, what do you then?

I have got one thing I know for sure and they are the only ones that work for me. Ever.

Feel your feelings. Get down on your knees and pray and feel it and LET IT OUT. Let the emotions run through you.

I have tried all the outside stuff to fill up the hole in my heart. I have talked to eighteen million different therapists. I have talked to family and friends who are so amazingly supportive. Find the people who hold space for you and don't try to fix your pain. Speak your truth out loud. People are so scared to hear some of your thoughts that go through your head so let it out to those whom you trust. That's why we pay therapists because you can speak your truth and not be judged or condemned for your TRUE feelings. Grief is some VERY heavy stuff. Share your suffering with someone else. You can get emotionally stuck if you bind it up all inside and try to zap it away with status updates and channel surfing.

Push all the obligations aside. Ask for help with all of that stuff. Its just stuff.



Move through it in your own dang time. Your heart will be broke open so many times in your life but its totally worth it. It's all for love. Sometimes we gotta sit through the pain, lay down with it, and make space for it. Your wisdom, your sanity, your loved ones will benefit. Most of all, as your the pain lifts, you can extend the wisdom gained and the ear that knows to a loved one or in a book or in a magazine or to your son or daughter. It will matter. You've lived through it and YOU WILL CARRY ON.

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. "
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

Love and Light,

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