Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Silence.

“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”
― Woody Allen

Since becoming a mother, my head and my heart burst wide, wide open.

My mind was a cluttered chatterbox for almost thirty years, repeating negative mantras about my worth over and over again.

I just wanted to get outta my head. Argh. The mind chatter was so loud, I would try to stifle with it with overexercising, controlling what I ate, isolating from friends and family. Its called numbing. Oprah Winfrey and Brene Brown were chatting about numbing on Super Soul Sunday this past weekend. We all do some form of numbing - the TV, shopping, internet surfing, gambling. Some take it to extremes, others do not.

When I had my girls, I couldn't keep it together. I had this audio tape that was so loud screaming hateful things about myself that I couldn't think straight! I had one baby crying for more bottle and the other pulling everything out of drawers...all the while my head(ego) was saying "you are a horrible mother, you are a failure,etc. etc."

Silence.

Silence saved me.

Silence saved my family.

Silence is my teacher and I'm its faithful student.

Silence happens in the bathroom with the door shut. Silence happens in my guest room where no one can find me. Silence happens on a late night drive to Target. Silence happens in nature. Silence happens on a mountaintop. Silence happens inside of me. Breathe in energy, exhale stress.

My daughters taught me about silence. They taught me that I need to get quiet and still so I can be a better mommy. I thought I needed to go, go, go. No time for me. Well that worked out pretty shitty. The Universe gifted me these little earth angels to save me. To save me from myself. To teach me to fight. To teach me to value me. To teach me how to love wholeheartedly. I marvel in their teachings everyday.

I discovered through silence that I am a highly sensitive soul. Sensitive takes on a meaning to me that is positive not negative. I used to believe it was negative as I took things personally. Yea, I am still working on that one but logically I know that its the other person's projections and not my own. My nervous system is so sensitive I can actually feel another persons energy. For so long, I would match that person's energy, whether it was anxious, happy, scared, excited, sad, angry, etc.

Kids can experience all of those emotions in a span of one minute! Whoa, roller coaster city over here.

Silence taught me to separate myself from what is going on around me and to go within. Stay connected to my breath and know that only love is real. Respond rather than react. Stay. right. in. this. moment.

Silence makes me more self aware. Silence removes the fears and blocks I have about purpose.

Silence saved my life.

Silence healed my soul.

I'm wondering, has silence saved you too? Do you value silence, do you have a practice of stillness? What centers you back in the moment?


Love and Light Always,

Jensy

1 comment:

  1. I wish I could still my mind to silence but there is still some chatter that goes on that drives me crazy no matter how hard I try. I keep hoping that one day I will achieve it! I have (thru yoga) slowed it down considerably so there is hope! xoxo

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