The tiles are cold, my knees are shaking, my tears hit the bathroom floor.
I stepped off the scale.
I have just gained two pounds overnight.
I am nothing. Who will I be now if I'm not skinny? Who will be my friend? Who will love me?
I crawl to the bedroom floor. I can't get up. I am trying to hold on to my life but I have no control. How could I have let this happen? Two pounds. Pitiful. Big. Fat. Failure.
I throw on a gigantic sweatshirt and sweatpants and retreat to the bed. I am not going out in public today. How could I? I'm fat and not worthy.
That was the picture of me a few years ago and that was the Anorexic Voice rearing its ugly head. A merry go round of negative comments spewing at me. I couldn't control them. There were so many. "Ugly. Fat. Stupid. Loser. Who are you?"
I am proud to say with the help of family, friends, therapists, meditation, LOVE, a commitment to heal and to LIVE, I know how to speak to that Anorexic Voice and squash the %^$ out of it!
I developed strategies to heal myself. I talked to friends and family. I studied metaphysics, psychology, philosophy, nutrition, and proper exercise.
Do you have ever those days where you feel Fat? That is just something you tell yourself because you are not coping with the stress of life at the time. Maybe someone upset you the day before, maybe you never got over what your ex did to you, or what that bully said to you in high school. Fat is a myth, a lie. That mirror lies. You are more than that. Breathe. Breathe deeply.
I'm hear to tell you...ditch the scale (No scale in this house!) and focus on what's beautiful about you. The scale has never told you how hysterically funny you are. The scale has never told how loving and giving you are to others. The scale has never told you how you glow when you see your loved ones. The scale tells you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That's all it will EVER tell you.
You are radiant. You are worthy. You are LOVE.
Love & Light,